life’s a bitch. don’t be surprised should i humour it.

touch yourself. it is not, and was never wrong.

“and you know how he is.. he thinks about things.”

i have realized, after such a long time,
that i do miss you. riding to and from work with the windows down,
chain smoking, laughing, arguing,
feeding carrots and apples to the horses,
always staying at your place until your dad made me leave.
under a full moon, swimming naked in the lake.
touching every doorknob, simply to explore.

however, the truth is that
amy, you were nothing more than a companion,
what i really miss are
the endless pills, the potent green,
the tank full of gas
and a wide, heavy wallet.
no rules, and all consequences 
pushed out of mind.
this, an unturned card in the deck of my soul,
is the ugly reality, and one that i must frankly.. honestly digest.

it isn’t possible to have those feelings back,
either you or the rest. 

“i am like a pendulum that does not swing.”

this is the taste of success.
dull, difficult and tedious, but the fact that i am
finally
achieving
brings a bliss worth it all.
this is progress, invisible, dynamic. 

i glanced at her while crossing the road
when i heard her stereo, i couldn’t stop.